Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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