were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
