So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize