I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I need moral support for this bender
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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