I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
