I don't think brook has ever known best
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
