i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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