wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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