dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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