Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
