For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
last night I used snow as a chaser
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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