see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
