Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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