I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
