i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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