He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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