I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
