There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
