he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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