She said her name was "party"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
