A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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