Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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