GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
