and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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