Cold hands, warm shart.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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