Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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