You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
