More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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