I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
