you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
