just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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