The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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