i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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