He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
