She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize