If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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