He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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