totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
