He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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