that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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