addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
