if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
