No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
