He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
