I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
