every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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