Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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