evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
