none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
