what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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