I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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