We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
