Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
