Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
