Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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