They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
