Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize