tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
